Misunderstanding in relationships: how to argue constructively
November 25, 2020 · 2 min read
No couple manages to avoid conflict. The question isn't how to avoid arguing, but how to do it constructively.
No couple manages to avoid conflict entirely. Misunderstanding is often what leads to discord, so it's important to learn to come out of arguments constructively.
1. Talk through misunderstandings
A big mistake is assuming a close person reads your mind. We tend to assume the other feels the same as we do by default. But that isn't so — talk about what troubles you.
2. Don't blame back
If your partner voices dissatisfaction, don't rush into counter-accusations. Focus on the specific issue and listen to their feelings.
3. Speak about what you want, not a grievance
“You came home late” is a grievance. Better: “I'd like you to come home earlier, because…”.
4. Control your emotions
If feelings run too high, it's better to pause so as not to escalate the situation.
5. Be ready to end the conflict first
Explain that you don't want to continue the quarrel, and suggest returning to the topic once you've both calmed down.
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